My name is Xultan Gorath, Lord of Arneia, Conqueror of Shorlathon, King of Etraylye, three time Sulwora baking champion (only once for threatening to kill the judges), Tamer of the Ogres, Sworn Enemy of the Ogres, High-War Priest-King-Leader Person of the Goblin Hordes (I think that‘s the technical term), owner of some very large boots, Prince of the Bloody Hills, the reason why they’re called the Bloody Hills, the Dragon Eater, the Petulant, the Terrifying, the Not Freakishly Tall (under pain of death), Terror of the South, the West, the Southwest, and the Northwest.
Oh, and I’m also the future Lord of All the World. My world anyway.
You might be wondering why you should care that I’m taking over a world that isn’t yours, or why I care that you know. I’ll tell you. My world knows about me. At least most of it does. When I heard that there were other worlds, I was disappointed that so many people wouldn’t learn of my conquests and inherent greatness and realizing that it will be quite a while before I get around to conquering your world, whichever it happens to be, I decided to just tell you about the conquest of this world of mine. And for the aspiring conquerors among you I decided that I’ll answer questions to help you in taking over your world. Just know that if you do, it will be a temporary thing. I’ll be by eventually to take it from you. Probably.
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