Before we begin the usual routine of you asking questions and me answering them with my usual awesome, I wanted to share something new and cool. It turns out that people are now calling me The Profane Lord. How cool is that? The Profane Lord Xultan Gorath. I like the sound of that. Try saying it with a deep voice. Yeah. The Profane Lord. It’s giving me shivers.
And now The Profane Lord will answer your question:
“What do evil overlords do for romance? I mean, even they gotta get a girl (or a guy, as the case might be), right?
So do they just subjugate attractive members of the opposite gender (or same gender, if they swing that way) to their will simply because of their sovereign power? Do people line up to get with them? Do they go on long pilgrimages to find their true love? Call up their high school sweetheart? How do evil overlords find love?”
Wow. Really? What does this have to do with taking over the world? Fine I’ll answer it.
I’ve heard of, and in some cases seen dark lords enslave concubines and mistresses. They think it’s the only way. Except for the ones who get off on the whole coercion and mind control thing. But those guys are sort of…creepy. And not in a good way. And the whole long pilgrimage thing? Yeah, that’s totally a hero thing. Those guys are so stupid. Like goblins. Yeah. Heroes are the same as goblins. I really hope that heroes read this. But they’re probably too stupid to read. And so are heroes.
As for me, I don’t have to force anyone for romance. I am a lord. There are huge numbers of women who want me. Almost more than I can handle. Almost. And it’s not all the allure of power. Or begging me to not burn their villages. But few of them have the stomach for what I do. That’s why I prefer dark mistresses.
Yeah. Female villains. Hot. And they never have any problem with me burning villages with breakfast. In fact, the ones I’ve met prefer to have breakfast and a show. The show is a burning village or city. You know, I really shouldn’t have to explain that to you. But villainesses are great. As slaughter-happy as anyone I’ve ever met. Most of the ones I know are just this side of being too murder-focused. And they hate goblins! But then again, who doesn’t?
The biggest downside is they tend to have their own things going on so they’re pretty busy. And sometimes they want me to help. Like don’t have a world to conquer of my own. Worse yet, some are trying to take over the world too. That sucks because then I have to destroy them. It’s not very fun.
In the end, I don’t really have time for dating. It just distracts me from what I’m doing and that’s not worth it. There was this one…but wasn’t really…I’m done for now. Go away. Come back next week.
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